The Olympics & I

 

The Olympic fever is getting to everyone including me. It led me to think if I could ever compete in the Olympics. The answer is a definite NO! NO! NO! Why? Why not? Let me tell you why :

• Gymnastic Rhythmic : all the participants are so slim and tall. Me? OUT OUT OUT! I would certainly give the coach a heart attack or mild stroke if he sees me in person on audition day. Followed by the roar of laughter in the audition hall.
• Synchronized Swimming : 8 minutes first day in the pool last week after over 2+decades being absent from the pool & I was panting like 20 dogs!! If I were to be in Synchronized Swimming, I'll drown within the first 3 mins....can't even count to 3:1:00...I'll be at the bottom of the pool! 



Photo compliments to GlobalTicketMarket

• Cycling : the height of the bikes is already a negative point. Hard to balance at starting point, get it?!?!. With my weight, puncture will be a regular thing. Or worse still, the spikes might just give way.
•  Boxing : With my short stumpy arms....sigh, can't even reach the opponent armpit what more punch her face!!!
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• Archery : Errr.. unless they tailor make them for kids, then I think I MAY get a bow befitting my size. Have you seen the size of the bows??? The bows are taller than I am! And....don't forget to lower the bull's eyes chart to MY eye level...thank you!
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• Shooting : I think this I can! BUT...may I please have a stool! The chart is not at my eye level....lower...lower...ahhh...just right.
• Swimming : this I think I definitely can (given professional training). One exception though...I get head start 10 seconds before them, at 3-8inches handicap, I think I am allowed 10 seconds head start, don't you agree?
  
• Hurdles : AHA, this I like! Raise the bar! Higher, higher, higher....well, I can just run under it, can't I? Oh, I can't is it? OK then, I won't participate in this category then. *walking away with head held high*
• Diving : HAH! This I have advantage. Short mah....can make more twists, pikes & turns & extend faster to enter water! No splash some more....so.. splash free entry! Perfect 10! But need to lose 8 kgs first. Hmmm...in the past 2 years I only managed to lose 6.8kgs...by the time I lose the 8kgs and train for the 2020 Olympics...Ahhh...just in time for their new senior citizen category. OK, will start my regime today! YAY....lucky still got the chance to compete.



Photo compliments to Boston.com

• Weight Lifting : The more I carry, the shorter and stumpier I become...so I openly "disqualify" myself plus I seriously don't want to have to treat 'frozen shoulders' (positive thinking okay...Come on, give me a break here, ya)
• Beach Volleyball : I adore them players wearing those gorgeous 2 pieces...all so colourful and sexy. If I were to join & wear them 2 pieces, the whales and sharks will swim to shore! The audience would need general anesthetic to keep them from laughing themselves to death seeing all my spare tyres bouncing up & down!!! HEHEHE...thinking of it makes me laugh too....



Photo compliments from furiousmiles.com

• Equestrian : This I am not so sure. Perhaps, after losing the excess weight, I may be able to compete after proper training. But the saddle definitely has to be tailor-made...especially where my legs rest. But first....let me see if I can actually get up the horsey without assistance!

Well....I had a great time 'participating' in the Olympics or in my own terms "OLD LIMP PIGS" for people like me. Hope you enjoyed reading my "Old Limp Pigs" jokes poking fun at myself. I had a great time writing it and I hope you had your laughing gas for the day!

Have a great weekend and stay happy always....Cheerio!!