English Humour - Same sound, different meaning!?!?

During my formative years, I was educated in an English medium school. I'm not sure if it was a missionary school but we did have quite a handful of nuns teaching us. Ok, ok....beans out of the bag...guessed you know how old I am already :))

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I cannot and will not claim that I am proficient in English, definitely not an expert as well. I'm still learning English everyday. English is an amazing language that never cease to enlighten as well as amuse me. Being my usual nutty self, I would like to shed some light-hearted humour on words that sound the same but has different meaning altogether. 

Imaging getting SMS or whatsapp or signages or people saying things like these :

1. Parcel / puzzle ~ "I am *parceled* with your feedback. How could you say that to me!" or " my whole life is a *parcel*". "This jigsaw *parcel* is so difficult to piece them together". Or "Mr Postman, where is my *puzzle*? Hah! I am indeed puzzled by this parcel??? Keh keh keh.
2. Got / God ~ Malaysians like to use this term - "where got?" And I almost always answer them "God is in heaven". I can't help it. If they had asked "Where is it?" perhaps they would get the appropriate respond. So, be mindful when you are near me....I may spring you a surprise :)
3. Tote /toad ~ Tink tink tink...new whatsapp picture uploaded. VIEW. Comment - "Hey, I just bought a designer *toad* bag, nice or not?" And if chivalry is still alive and kicking today, I would be LOL (laughing out loud) if a gentleman were to say "Hi, Miss, may I help *toad* your bag. It looks heavy". Or kids in an aquarium shouting out to their friends... "Hey, come see this humongous *tote*.
4. Taught / thought ~ "Eh? I *taught* you were asleep?" or "Sshhhh...please don't disturb her, she is in deep *taught*. "Oh, my father was a teacher, he *thought* at xxx school before he retired last year".
5. Leaf / leave ~ "Hey, *leaf* her alone!". or worse still "Boss, I want to apply for *leaf*". I would be more than happy if I were the boss...I'd say "go, go gather as much leaves as your heart desires"..Or perhaps a signage that reads {Please *leaf* your slippers/shoes at the door} Hahahhahahaha.... that's one leaf too many or should I leave now?
6. Smart (quick witted intelligence, clever, brilliant) or smart (hurting, stinging pain) ~ "Would you take a look at that *smart (as in stinging pain) guy, he maybe the next Einstein!". And when someone were to say to me he or she is *smarter* than I am...I will most likely answer... "I know, it *smarts* doesn't it?  Hehehehehe....
7. Ware / wear ~ How about this "Honey, I'm going shopping to buy some *underware*, byeee" or this signage "Get your tools from one of our ABC HARDWEAR shop near you". Or what is written in a warranty card " *ware* and tear is not part of our warranty guarantee.
8. Teat / tit (infliction of an injury) ~ Imagine a scene in the sitcom Guys with kids... " Oh honey, remember to wash the rubber *tits* before feeding the baby" or a cheeky husband trying to get his wife arouse " Honey, let me play with your *tits*!!! If I were the wife, I'd say " Great. Here are the tits (dosh! dosh! bam bam!), enjoy! I'm gonna watch TV" Kah kah Kah!!!
9. Night / knight ~ "Oh, darling....you are my *night* and shinning armour!"... or replying to a message "Your party is *knight* or day?" Errr....that would be SIR....Thank you!
10. Shoe / shoo ~ "Dear, please *shoe* the cat away". Or getting a SMS "want to come shopping with me? Am getting some *shoo* to match my new outfit". 
11. Trade / thread ~ "Sweetheart, could you help mend my shirt? There's a *trade* hanging loose. Signage reads " Don't *thread* your life by doing drugs, you may end up in prison or the death sentence".
12. Fool / full ~  "WOW, that was an awesome meal. Thank you. I am so *fool* now, burp!". Or a scene from a movie - tiff between lovers...."Doug! I am such a *full* to fall for you! Hehehehehe....
13. Cause / cost ~ " Wow...how much does it *cause*?" Helpful salesgirl aiding customer to make purchasing decision "Ma'am, compare the *cause* this is value for money". Or how about this in science - *cost*& effect? Aiyooo...all this costing and causing is making me coust-ing!!! LOL
14. See / sea ~ " Let's go out to *see*, I love the knight breeze". "OK, I'll *sea* what I can do for you, sir"
15. Tea / Tee ~ *Tee* for two?     "Buddy, let's golf. See you at the *tea* off"
16. Court / Caught ~ "See you in *caught*!" Overheard this conversation "my neighbour's son is *caughting* my next door neighbour's daughter. Hehehhee....see why sounding alike can be a tad confusing.
17. Wonder / wander ~ Mom to child " kiddo, please don't *wonder* around. Make sure I can find you, ya?". Girl in deep *taughts* *wandering* whether to buy shoes or bags.
18. Beg / bag ~ "Come on, please don't make me *bag* for it, ok?". Restaurant waitress helpfully saying " Please Ma'am, let me *beg* it for you so that you can take the food back for your doggy"
19. Stunt / stun ~ "You know, I was so *stunt* when I found out what she did!". Or this "Oh, my son works as a *stun*man in Hollywood".
20. Doug / Dug ~ " *Dug*, please help plant the tree your mom bought into the hole I had *doug* last night". And so, Dug planted the tree in the hole his father had douged!!!

I had a ball and a lot of fun while writing this. Hope you had as much fun as I had. 

As knight falls, I need to bag you come join me again. Love to sea you around my blog sometime soon. And if you are wandering what the heck was all these...oh well...I was fulled into parceling around with words and taught you'll be more awear so that you won't get court the next time you see words with same sound but has different meaning. 

Well, I God to go. I've brewed a pot of English Earl Grey tee. Care to join me? Oh, you are fool? If you gotta leaf, remember to check your toad beg to ensure you have everything with you. And by the way, always remember to ask how much it cause before paying for your goods. Lest you be cheated unknowingly.

Don't be stunt if I come back with English Humour part 2. Please don't simply shoe me off, just becost I am smart and yes, I agree....your are smarter :)

Ok, my tee is ready. I need to find my glasses to mend a loose button on my shirt, now where is the  trade? 

Quote :
The person who knows how to laugh at himself/herself will never ceased to be amused - Shirley Maclaine

World's most beautiful waterfalls.

I had the pleasure of my friends sending me pictures or them/their friends posting in Facebook on some of the world's most beautiful waterfalls. Also, I have googled for them as well. I'd like to share these beautiful sights with you. Those pictured here in my blog are the ones that gave me a 'warm tug' in my heart. Wouldn't mind looking again and again and marvel at the spectacular sights that mother nature has bestowed us across the globe. 

There's a saying, a picture paints a thousand words....I believe it is true because these glorious pictures 'speaks' to me. I hope they do the same to you too. Read on to know how each picture speaks to me.

Among all the waterfalls photographs in my collection, the Plitvice waterfalls in Crotia tops my list. It's truly a real beauty. This picture puts a smile on my face each time I set eyes on it. Simply enchanting, breathtaking and magical. Credits to the photographer for the angle that it was taken from....

Second is this 'nameless' waterfall in Romania. It is shaped like an umbrella. Although it is only a picture, but I can 'hear' the sound of the water gushing down the moss into the pool of water below. It gives me a sense of inner peace. Does it have the same effect on you?           

Third on my list is Pearl Waterfall in China. Thundering waters from everywhere yet somehow, I see only unity, single "voice" and serenity. In reality, it must be very loud!!!

And then, there is this strange looking waterfall that resembles Rapunzel's hair... This is Ocean Waterfall, Azenhas do MarSintra, Portugal. It brings a sense of calmness, doesn't it? Ahhhh...nice to practice yoga here....Ommmm.....Oommm...

Next, Triberg waterfalls in Germany. Although I can't 'hear' the outburst of water gushing downwards, the fine 'strands' of water are akin to 'la mein' or handmade noodles...to me, that is. Hehehehe...don't you have the same feeling too? No? Strange. Perhaps I am hungry..... (Credits : www.ratestogo.com)

Followed by Triglav National Park, Borec, Slovenia. I'm not sure if the picture has been photoshopped as the water is too blue, but what the heck...this place gives me a pleasant sense of blue is beautiful. It seems to say, "hey, in the midst of all difficulties or challenges, there's beauty (lesson). You just need to take time to look for it". I laud the photographer who went through great lengths to take this beautiful surreal picture. 

Folks, if you have acrophobia...please don't look down. You may feel dizzy and feel weak at your knees!!!! Be brave! Hehehehe (me, so cruel, eh?)

Below, the Iguazu falls that lies at the border of Argentina & Brazil. I bet the sound of the waterfalls is like 10 rock bands playing simultaneously. Yes, yes, yes...I know, my imagination is running W.I.L.D!!! Seriously, that is what I 'hear'. But the 'song' doesn't annoys me....know why? Because, I mute the volume, silly!!!

Next in the album of waterfall isssss.....this picture, apparently from Cuba. Possibly photoshopped for wall paper but it gives me a sense of blissfulness and serenity. I can 'hear' birds chirpping and insects buzzing(??? running out of words to describe things....sigh). However, if it is real, I don't mind going for a swim, should be very refreshing!

Not to be left out, picture above is Paradise Crossing, Hasavu falls; Grand Canyon, National park. *speechless* (for once! hehehe)

Kolkan Coast, India!!! Well, on the train ride, if your hands are dirty, just place it outside of the window and VIOLA....auto handwash! 

Everyone, meet Athabasca waterfall, Canada. 

This one gives me adrenaline rush!!!! Strong & fullbodied (the rocks) and the water gives me a 'rush feeling'.

The Edge, Victoria Fall - Zambia / Zimbabwe. If I am not wrong, it is one of the highest waterfall in the world.

Why named after Victoria? hmmm...perhaps, Victoria fell here? Or better yet, why not you google for it and then tell me why it was named after Victoria? Why not call it the Lady Gaga or Madonna or Amy Winehouse waterfall? Hmmmm...

I like the special natural effect of the African elephant atop the falls, this is true nature at its best! Magnificent! 

 Idyllic, natural and oh so so soothing. Where is this? This is a mouthfull to pronounce....

Seljalandsfoss, Iceland. 

Nice eh? All natural - no botox, no fillers, no liposuction.... Original!!!

Krk waterfalls...somewhere out there.....hehehe...forgot to jot down more details. 

This picture (Krk waterfalls, pictured above) gives me a sense of security, safety and a sense of belonging. I can picture myself sipping coffee/ fruit juice, reading a novel under a parasol on a rattan "lazy boy" reclining chair with throw pillows neatly tugged beside me and under my calves and head. Huge shades/sunnies on. And don't forget the sunblock lotion!!! In the background soft music playing.......Ahhhh... pure tranquility. 

I can't help but laugh whenever I see Prskalo waterfall of Serbia. Why? I can't help it!!!

It's as if, if I'd wanted to punish someone, I'll tell them, " hey, don't pissed me off. Or I will piss on you!!". And if the party challenges me...I'll tell them to stand under the waterfall and I'll stand atop the fall (ahem...that is, if I can get my fat ass up there in the first place) and shout down to him / her "May the force be with you".....Hahahhaha...I thought it was funny, didn't you??? 

:)



 



Last but not least....Rio Celeste Waterfall, Costa Rica. There's a saying, at the end of the tunnel there's light. I say...." at the end of the stairs, there is a waterfall".

Although I laud the management for making the stairway from wood (i think...but when I observe closer...it is made from cement! Ewwww...how come I know? Well...they are all identical!!). 

Seriously, I'd always prefer things to be natural...it mars the beauty of nature just so things are easily accessible. Why do that? Soon, more people will come and sooner or later, leave carbon footprints behind and spoil the beauty that mother nature has given us. *sad*




I hope you like my selection. And that they too 'tugged' into your heart as they did mine. 

To all the talented and patient photographers, Kudos!! I salute your effort, time and love for all things beautiful, natural and yes...your pictures does paint a thousand words. But in this case, they "SPOKE" to me!

Until my next blog....Let's treasure all things beautiful. For it may not last for much longer. Why? At the rate we so-called develop our world....we are surely and truly 'destroying' our beautiful planet bit by bit. Do your part, let's practice the 3 Rs - Recycle, Reuse & Reduce.

Sunset, sunrise....is it the same everywhere?

Platja D'Aro Girona, Spain

I love sunsets! They exudes such beauty that makes me stop in my tracks to admire them, always! So I embarked on collecting some of the most captivating and meaningful (to me, that is) sunrises and sunsets across the globe. Why sunrise too? Simply because I can never tell the difference between sunrise or sunset in these pictures...hehehehe....heeeey, I wasn't the one who took them, so how should I know if its sunrise or sunset, ok? OK.

I've scoured for those spectacular pictures and I certainly would love to share them with you. Some are taken by my friends, family members as well as from my search in the internet. Mind you, some maybe wallpaper or photoshopped but what the heck. As long as it is beautiful, it is worth the mention.

Kruger National Park, South Africa. It's gorgeous. Bet the animals there won't bother to stop in their tracks to admire the beauty mother nature has bestowed upon every living thing on earth. Need to be alert at all times lest a predator is on the look out for fresh meat! OUCH!!!       Oh well, glad someone took this beauty.

Maui, Hawaii. The golden yellow sun and it's rays upon the beach reminds me of the bull's eye egg I had for breakfast today.

Ladies & Gentlemen, this sunset is edible!!!

This is Vorquisea, in Brazil. If it was not identified, I would have mistaken it for Serenggeti in Africa.

Broccoli, anyone?

World's Edge, England. 

Well, it does look to me like the end of the world. If only Xi, a Sho of the Kalahari Desert in the South African comedy film The Gods Must Be Crazy knew about this place, his arduous and dangerous yet amusing journey to dispose off the coke bottle would be much much easier. Don't you think so? NO? Me too! Else, we wouldn't get to de-stress laughing at the amusing things & events that happened to Xi along the way, now would we?

I saved this photo from my friend; Wee Seng's FB album. He snapped this while he was in Kadikoy, Istanbul, Turkey.

It gives me a sense of hope and that everything is gonna be a-OK. Does it speak to you as well?

Taken by Rocker57 when he was in Masai Mara game reserve in Kenya, South Africa. After this trip, he insisted on buying a better camera. That's because the Nikon camera he took with him can only zoom 3x and was the smallest. Hahahaha!!!

The rest of the group had cameras that could zoom super close to capture the big 5. And this is the reason we have a better camera now :)

This is sunrise (I believe that it has been photo-shopped) in Cathedral Cove, New Zealand. Love the hues.

Bridge of San Francisco, taken by Rocker57's nephew. Kelvin while he was there recently. One of the lucky few I guess. I heard that it is often misty or foggy so this shot is really timely.

Remember this? Seljalandsfoss Waterfall, Iceland that I blogged about on 16 July 2013? Well...not only is the waterfall enchanting, the sunset/sunrise is also mesmerising.

Again, do you remember this sunset picture I took when I was in Krabi, Thailand. 5 bikers and 2 pillions took over 5 hours from Hatyai to Ao Nang beach in Krabi. 

I hope to return there someday. Love the long sandy beach and its quiet and laid back lifestyle. Tranquility.






Not sure if this is photoshopped (pix below) but it is Cabo San Lucas beach in Mexico. 

Nice, right?

Lake Michigan

 This is Lorne Beach, Australia.

So far, you can see that not all sunrises or sunsets are the same. Each has its own beauty.

Picture on right is one of the *ticks* listed in my bucket list.

And what is that? Aiyooo....Machu Picchu in Peru, obviously. DUH!!!

Another awesome sight of Oahu Beach in Hawaii. Its no wonder, Hawaii is a paradise. Also, part of my bucket list :)

San Pablo, Philippines

Sunrise at Serenggeti, Tanzania.

(left) This spectacular orange rays are sunrise over Boston, USA.

 How about this? Reminds you of the movies "2012" or The Day After Tomorrow? Well, fret not, its the beautiful sunrise over San Francisco, USA. This is really beautiful.

San Francisco is beautiful but nothing beats the splendid colors of Bleik, Norway. The Northern lights, my dear readers. My daughter was there in 2009, unfortunately, she failed to get a glimpse of the Northern lights. I guessed it was Mother Nature's "power failure / outage" on the particular time she was there. Poor thing, all the way there for nought!

Last but not least, my dear friend and former schoolmate; Christina Siow's amateur photography session in Pasir Panjang, Port Dickson. I like this picture very much. So much so I immediately used it as my profile cover picture. Unfortunately, after a couple of posting, she has since stopped publishing her works. I guess she knew I would 'abuse' her photographs. Can't blame her really...see what I just did!!!

Well....take your time to soak in these beautiful, spectacular sights. As my friend once said, "no artist can beat the beauty Mother Nature has 'painted' for us" or "Mother Nature is the ultimate artist" or "no artist can beat Mother Nature" or..... Errr....or something to that tune...getting old, more difficult to quote exactly what others have said but you are smart...sure you get my drift. :))

Until my next blog, take care & stay healthy. Watch out for my coming blogs....We'll be riding to Koh Samui, Thailand from 6-10 August!!! Can't wait. My first trip to Koh Samui. Remember to look out for my blog on Koh Samui....Vrrrrooooom, vrrrroooom!!! KAWAbunga!!!

Ciao. 

(Credits to all photographers for the superb as well as amateur (like mine & Rocker57) shots of sunrises and sunsets across the globe)

Confucius says...(in humour)

Often, I get lots of emails from my friends on health, jokes, interesting pictures, biggest this and that and the what have you, etc. I couldn't help but seriously want to share the following humourous emails on the 'new age' sayings of Confucius.

For the younger generation who are not familiar who Confucius is, here is a brief information on him. He was born in 551BC. He died at the age of 72 in 479BC. He was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician & philosopher of the Spring & Autumn period of Chinese History. Why only Spring and Autumn? Well....how should I know, I wasn't even born then! DUH! And in case you were wondering what nationality he is...Chinese, duh!

Confucius's principles had a basis in common Chinese tradition and belief. He championed strong family loyalty, ancestor worship, respect of elders & of husbands by their wives. And how do I know all these? Check out the link-lah!!! Hehehehe....

And now a bit of sharing from his 'new age philosophical fans'

"A JOKE IS LIKE SEX - NEITHER IS ANY GOOD IF YOU DIDN'T GET IT". I do concur with this as many a times, someone in the group will ask, "what's so funny" (when the group is already laughing hysterically) or "was that a joke?" (awwww...where's your sense of humour, man??!!!). As for sex....well, you go figure that out!

This sounds so much like Yoda! So true for divorce cases...You may be so right, yet so wrong. Or in this case "Win the battle, lose the war"...sometimes, it's good just to keep mum or walk quietly away, right?

"MAN WITH A BROKEN CONDOM IS CALLED A DADDY!!!" -  Kah kAh Kah kAh!!

 

And I say, beware of the indoor 'snake' more than the outdoor snake. And oh...eat the hotdog outside the camp and not in the tent. Hehehehe....

"A KISS IS JUST SHOPPING UPSTAIRS FOR DOWNSTAIRS MERCHANDISE". Errr...this need no further explanation, right? *bashful look*

Sorry ladies, I think this is more apt for the females.... we almost always jump into conclusions while the guys don't give two hoots about nitty gritty or details.

Errr...seriously...depends on what kind of tools, really.












 "IT'S OK TO LET A FOOL KISS YOU BUT DON'T LET A KISS FOOL YOU" - Well, girls are almost always fooled by a kiss...no???? NO??? OK...guessed I'm much influenced by what I watch on TV, sigh. But...does a fool know how to kiss? Hmmm....

ME...Owww....

So obvious!












" VIAGRA IS LIKE DISNEYLAND. 1 HOUR WAIT FOR A 2 MIN RIDE" - Hehehehe.....

Guys, keep your hands out!!!











 "MAN WHO MIXES VIAGRA AND LAXATIVES DOESN'T KNOW IF HE IS COMING OR GOING" - Ahem....bedroom or bathroom? Bathroom or bedroom??? Errr.....

" ITS MUCH BETTER TO WANT THE MATE YOU DO NOT HAVE THAN TO HAVE THE MATE YOU DO NOT WANT" - Needs no further clarification, now does it?
 

" IT'S BETTER TO LOSE A LOVER THAN TO LOVE A LOSER" - So true, not funny but does serves its objective.
  

* ROTFLOL* 



(Rolling on the floor laughing out loud)

 " MARRIAGE IS LIKE A BANK ACCOUNT. YOU PUT IT IN, YOU TAKE IT OUT & YOU'LL LOSE INTEREST"  - They forgot to mention losing the entire bank account!!! Females can sometimes get even & sometimes evil. Or both...Oh...again, bad influences from watching too much movies & drama...darn!!!

 OK, who's turn to feed the baby????

Thank you to all those creators behind the humourous quotes from 'new age' Confucius. I had a good laugh and hope you had a good one too. 

I end with this quote " Your success and happiness starts with you" and if you can't find at least one funny quote/saying here....I think you had better start looking for your funny bone...it may have gone missing! Or you may have dropped it because you'd laughed too much!!!

Have a fabulous day & a fantastic week ahead. Cheers!!!