Should we hang on?

3 weeks ago, I lost my mom. She passed away peacefully in her sleep on Nov 4/5, 2012. She was only 70. But with 4 decades of diabetes, partial blindness, hypertension and on-going dialysis since March 2011, it was a blessing that she passed on. In the last two years, she has suffered a lot. It pains me each time I reminisce & visualise her during the many occasions I visited her when she was hospitalised. It still does. It tugs into my heart just thinking of all those needles, scopes and other tests she had to go through routinely. Not forgetting those horrible hospital food that dampens her spirits and kills her appetite even further! She was half her usual size on her final days....such a sad & pitiful sight for a lady who was only 20 months ago robust, happy and positive.


My heartfelt thanks & appreciation to all our friends and relatives who came from near and far to pay their last respect. Also those who sent their condolences via calls, emails, Facebook as well SMSes. Also remembering those who sent wreaths i.e. from my office as well as Rocker57's office and management team. Not forgetting all those monetary contributions to help ease our burdens on the funeral expenses. A BIG thank you to everyone!! Your actions has made our sufferings much more bearable one way or another. My heartfelt appreciation for your thoughts & contribution during these trying times. THANK YOU so much!!!

I for one, is a person who lives in the present. Don't get me wrong. I cherish and treasure my past but I don't hold on to it. I live in the present and always look forward to the future. Soooo...am I a cruel person? No, I believe I am not. I believe in loving, caring, respecting & giving my level best (to my ability) to the people I love and care about while they are still living be it family, friends or relatives.


My parents, while they were alive, received what we (Rocker57 &I) could afford. I always bear in mind to take them to savour their favourite food on a regular basis. We clothed them and ensure that they have a roof over their heads, food & even cable TV. We visited them as often as we can. When they left, I wallow in sorrow during the funerals but I always tell myself to snap out of it once funeral is over. Why? Simple really, life has to go.

I believe we should not live with regrets and judging from how we have treated my parents, I strongly believe and know they have no complaints but only good words to say about us. Testimonies via word of mouth from the many relatives that came to pay their last respect to my mom is a good example. I know I did alright and did what a daughter should do/should have done in a Chinese family, perhaps more. In fact, we (Rocker57 & I) have gone through many "extra miles" on many occasions.

I thank God for giving an understanding, supportive, caring & loving husband & a good provider and father in Rocker57. He has been a pillar of strength, my rock and my punchbag. With his backing & love for me, I have become what I am today. My parents raised & educated me, my Rocker57 completes me. Thank you Rocker57 for all those years of support, understand and patience with me & my Lee clan. 

So, do we need to hang on to the past? I believe in remembering the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. Yes, I will forever cherish the memories I've had with my parents but I need to continue with my life as I have a hubby and 2 kids that needs me. 

I know of a friend who wallowed in sorrow & almost gone into depression for 3 months on the lost of her dad. Unknowingly, my frequent positive quotes through SMSes made her turned around. Only much later she confided that she was 'lost but found herself again' thanks to me. I was very much surprised & touched by her revelation.

I also don't like to say "I should have done this, that, etc". If you feel like it, just do it!! We should live our lives with no regrets. I don't! There is no right or wrong in life. We must be able to live with our conscience. As long as our conscience is clear, we should be alright. 

As I write this, my conscience is as clear as can be. I know that my parents will concur with me and will bless me to live on with my life. My dad knew I have strong traits and two of it being independent and positive. My mom knows I do things conscientiously, live life full and a person who speaks her mind, regardless. During her countless days in the hospital, we shared candidly on many things & issues. She knew how things would be when she is gone, hence she is able to leave this world in peace knowing that all is well taken care of. Her days were numbered and she knew it. So why hide the truth? Our openness led me in resolving some unwanted 'concerns' during the wake. So glad we've always had these open chats, it helps.

As all issues were addressed, wake & funeral was properly carried out as requested by her. Now, isn't it time to move on? So, why hang on? No I am not. Yes, I will forever hang on to the memories but I will not wallow in 'I should have done this or that' as I have done what I could while they were alive. 

It's time to move on. My suggestion if you have any unresolved things or issues to do~ DO IT!  Don't live life regretting that you 'should have done this or that'. Do it while & when you can so that you can then move on without regrets. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but if you love & care for that someone truly, its better to 'hurt' the someone than seeing them live what could have been a better life had you done your part. At the end, they will appreciate what you have done for them. Tried & tested many times, same positive results. Go on, give it a try!! Sometimes, it may take years for them to realise it, but when you notice that you have turned their lives around...the reward is PRICELESS even if a "thank you" is not forthcoming because you know you have tried.

My forwardness may put off a lot of people yet it also attracts plenty. I care not what you think of me. But I would surely appreciate it that you take me "as is" for if I were to change, then it wouldn't be me, now would I?

Speaking of which, last week I planned a road trip to Melaka to visit an old friend tomorrow. And I do these trips quite frequently as and when I can. So, when will you be making yours to your parent, in-laws or just to meet up a friend(s)? Don't wait until it is too late and then say "I should have......"

Before I leave you, I would like to share my life motto with you : Live life full, stay happy always.

Cheers!!!!