3 weeks ago, I lost my mom. She passed away peacefully in her sleep on Nov 4/5, 2012. She was only 70. But with 4 decades of diabetes, partial blindness, hypertension and on-going dialysis since March 2011, it was a blessing that she passed on. In the last two years, she has suffered a lot. It pains me each time I reminisce & visualise her during the many occasions I visited her when she was hospitalised. It still does. It tugs into my heart just thinking of all those needles, scopes and other tests she had to go through routinely. Not forgetting those horrible hospital food that dampens her spirits and kills her appetite even further! She was half her usual size on her final days....such a sad & pitiful sight for a lady who was only 20 months ago robust, happy and positive.
My heartfelt thanks & appreciation to all our friends and relatives who came from near and far to pay their last respect. Also those who sent their condolences via calls, emails, Facebook as well SMSes. Also remembering those who sent wreaths i.e. from my office as well as Rocker57's office and management team. Not forgetting all those monetary contributions to help ease our burdens on the funeral expenses. A BIG thank you to everyone!! Your actions has made our sufferings much more bearable one way or another. My heartfelt appreciation for your thoughts & contribution during these trying times. THANK YOU so much!!!
I for one, is a person who lives in the present. Don't get me wrong. I cherish and treasure my past but I don't hold on to it. I live in the present and always look forward to the future. Soooo...am I a cruel person? No, I believe I am not. I believe in loving, caring, respecting & giving my level best (to my ability) to the people I love and care about while they are still living be it family, friends or relatives.
My parents, while they were alive, received what we (Rocker57 &I) could afford. I always bear in mind to take them to savour their favourite food on a regular basis. We clothed them and ensure that they have a roof over their heads, food & even cable TV. We visited them as often as we can. When they left, I wallow in sorrow during the funerals but I always tell myself to snap out of it once funeral is over. Why? Simple really, life has to go.
I believe we should not live with regrets and judging from how we have treated my parents, I strongly believe and know they have no complaints but only good words to say about us. Testimonies via word of mouth from the many relatives that came to pay their last respect to my mom is a good example. I know I did alright and did what a daughter should do/should have done in a Chinese family, perhaps more. In fact, we (Rocker57 & I) have gone through many "extra miles" on many occasions.
I thank God for giving an understanding, supportive, caring & loving husband & a good provider and father in Rocker57. He has been a pillar of strength, my rock and my punchbag. With his backing & love for me, I have become what I am today. My parents raised & educated me, my Rocker57 completes me. Thank you Rocker57 for all those years of support, understand and patience with me & my Lee clan.
So, do we need to hang on to the past? I believe in remembering the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. Yes, I will forever cherish the memories I've had with my parents but I need to continue with my life as I have a hubby and 2 kids that needs me.
I know of a friend who wallowed in sorrow & almost gone into depression for 3 months on the lost of her dad. Unknowingly, my frequent positive quotes through SMSes made her turned around. Only much later she confided that she was 'lost but found herself again' thanks to me. I was very much surprised & touched by her revelation.
I also don't like to say "I should have done this, that, etc". If you feel like it, just do it!! We should live our lives with no regrets. I don't! There is no right or wrong in life. We must be able to live with our conscience. As long as our conscience is clear, we should be alright.
As I write this, my conscience is as clear as can be. I know that my parents will concur with me and will bless me to live on with my life. My dad knew I have strong traits and two of it being independent and positive. My mom knows I do things conscientiously, live life full and a person who speaks her mind, regardless. During her countless days in the hospital, we shared candidly on many things & issues. She knew how things would be when she is gone, hence she is able to leave this world in peace knowing that all is well taken care of. Her days were numbered and she knew it. So why hide the truth? Our openness led me in resolving some unwanted 'concerns' during the wake. So glad we've always had these open chats, it helps.
As all issues were addressed, wake & funeral was properly carried out as requested by her. Now, isn't it time to move on? So, why hang on? No I am not. Yes, I will forever hang on to the memories but I will not wallow in 'I should have done this or that' as I have done what I could while they were alive.
It's time to move on. My suggestion if you have any unresolved things or issues to do~ DO IT! Don't live life regretting that you 'should have done this or that'. Do it while & when you can so that you can then move on without regrets. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but if you love & care for that someone truly, its better to 'hurt' the someone than seeing them live what could have been a better life had you done your part. At the end, they will appreciate what you have done for them. Tried & tested many times, same positive results. Go on, give it a try!! Sometimes, it may take years for them to realise it, but when you notice that you have turned their lives around...the reward is PRICELESS even if a "thank you" is not forthcoming because you know you have tried.
My forwardness may put off a lot of people yet it also attracts plenty. I care not what you think of me. But I would surely appreciate it that you take me "as is" for if I were to change, then it wouldn't be me, now would I?
Speaking of which, last week I planned a road trip to Melaka to visit an old friend tomorrow. And I do these trips quite frequently as and when I can. So, when will you be making yours to your parent, in-laws or just to meet up a friend(s)? Don't wait until it is too late and then say "I should have......"
Before I leave you, I would like to share my life motto with you : Live life full, stay happy always.
Cheers!!!!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I am confused, are you?
I
was born a 3rd generation Malaysian Chinese. Raised as a Taoist. Both
parents are Hokkiens but we speak Cantonese at home. Simply because my
parents spoke Cantonese when they first met, dated & subsequently got hitched in Seremban....hmmm... By the way, Seremban's first language/dialect amongst the Chinese is Cantonese (ahem, if you must know!)
All my 16 paternal first cousins including my 2 brothers were Chinese-educated, while I was the only one that was English-educated. Why? That, you got to ask my mother! Psst, psst.....years later, she divulged that she thought English was the way for the future...very far-sighted my mom and she was right. English was indeed very relevant & important language during my working days. It helped that I was English-educated. Strangely, both my younger brothers were Chinese-educated? Hmmm....strange and confusing what goes through my mom's mind!!!
To know what are first or second cousins, refer below : (Credits to Wikipedia)
Traditionally, as a married Chinese, the female (in this case, my mom) will have to follow the traditions, culture & rites of her husband's family. It is deemed that once you are married into the Lee family (my surname) you will die as a Lee clan. So, everything my mom did has to be 'approved' by my maternal grandmother.
I was sent to a Catholic school in Seremban. I completed 12 years of my education there. From kindy to Secondary 5. Convent - a renowned & an all girls school. We were taught by local & foreign nuns as well as local teachers. But I must say that the nuns has a special place in each of our hearts due to their dedication, passion and love. We still talked about their work, dedication and passion 3 decades down the road. We, class of 1979 recently had our 1st grand reunion after 33 years. To know more...please go to : http://superbiker48.blogspot.com/2012/07/feisty-50-reunion-convent-seremban.html
My paternal grandmother stayed with us. Naturally, as matriarch of the Lee Clan (our own clan, obviously), I spoke to her in Hokkien. After all, she spoke Hokkien and nothing else despite having stayed in Malaysia for almost 7 decades! Apart from her, I also spoke Hokkien to my maternal grandparents, Cantonese to my parents and siblings, Mandarin to my childhood friends in Pedas, Hakka to our landlady and English & Bahasa Malaysia to my friends in school!
WOW...what a big language 'bank' I have in my tiny brain, ya?? YA!! It's strange how our brains work. In this case, Amazing with a capital A!!! Well, that's how my life revolves back then. However, I'd always and still am THINKING in English and then translating to speak in the relevant dialect/language. I read no Chinese, basically I speak based on intonation I'd learnt & heard. Sometimes, I confuse myself as the tone is right but the meaning is different. Chinese has 4 tones for certain characters, so you can & must understand my confusion, not just mine alone. I believe many others are in the same boat as mine....speed boat? Yacht? Liner? hee heee...see I AM confusing you already!!!
When I was in Secondary 2, I wanted to be a Catholic but was deterred by my mom out of respect for my grandmother. So, I patiently waited. 3 decades later, I am practicing Buddhism, not Taoism. Now you know why my title says I am confused!!! Hehehehe....
Fast forward, I met Rocker57. He is also a Hokkien & educated in a Methodist school. We speak Hokkien & English interchangeably but we raised our kids speaking only English. That's because we know the importance of English. Our kids understands Hokkien, Cantonese & Mandarin.
My daughter speaks Mandarin quite fluently I must say. She picked it up during her varsity days. And she has improved on her Hokkien having worked in Klang (Hokkien speaking 'zone') for almost 3 years. She can also converse in commendable Cantonese. Hmmm...she has my genes!!! YAY!!
My son speaks a smattering of Mandarin and a tad of Cantonese, and is always confused between the 3 - Mandarin, Cantonese & Hokkien. Why, when he was in Kindergarten, he used to tell his kindy friends he was English! When I asked why he said that? He said with a straight face" Mom, we speak English!" Then, when he learned more about dialects...he often confuse himself whether he is Hakka or Hokkien! He can't differentiate the dialects...poor kid!
Our kids speaks to the paternal grandparents in smattering of Hokkien with a mixture of Mandarin. They conversed in Mandarin with my parents.
So you see...it IS a confusing world, yet our brains can register and remember who to speak in what language/dialect. As confused as I am...I am multi-lingual....and THAT is certainly clear as the blue skies above I am not confuse when it comes to dialect.
Now...shall I learn a new language? What say you? Come share your thoughts with me.....
Till my next blog...take care, stay happy and positive always!
Sayonara!!!
All my 16 paternal first cousins including my 2 brothers were Chinese-educated, while I was the only one that was English-educated. Why? That, you got to ask my mother! Psst, psst.....years later, she divulged that she thought English was the way for the future...very far-sighted my mom and she was right. English was indeed very relevant & important language during my working days. It helped that I was English-educated. Strangely, both my younger brothers were Chinese-educated? Hmmm....strange and confusing what goes through my mom's mind!!!
To know what are first or second cousins, refer below : (Credits to Wikipedia)
First cousinsThe children of two siblings.David and Emma are first cousins because their fathers were brothers. |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Second cousinsThe children of two first cousins.Frank and Gwen are second cousins because Frank's father, David, and Gwen's mother, Emma, are first cousins. |
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Traditionally, as a married Chinese, the female (in this case, my mom) will have to follow the traditions, culture & rites of her husband's family. It is deemed that once you are married into the Lee family (my surname) you will die as a Lee clan. So, everything my mom did has to be 'approved' by my maternal grandmother.
I was sent to a Catholic school in Seremban. I completed 12 years of my education there. From kindy to Secondary 5. Convent - a renowned & an all girls school. We were taught by local & foreign nuns as well as local teachers. But I must say that the nuns has a special place in each of our hearts due to their dedication, passion and love. We still talked about their work, dedication and passion 3 decades down the road. We, class of 1979 recently had our 1st grand reunion after 33 years. To know more...please go to : http://superbiker48.blogspot.com/2012/07/feisty-50-reunion-convent-seremban.html
My paternal grandmother stayed with us. Naturally, as matriarch of the Lee Clan (our own clan, obviously), I spoke to her in Hokkien. After all, she spoke Hokkien and nothing else despite having stayed in Malaysia for almost 7 decades! Apart from her, I also spoke Hokkien to my maternal grandparents, Cantonese to my parents and siblings, Mandarin to my childhood friends in Pedas, Hakka to our landlady and English & Bahasa Malaysia to my friends in school!
WOW...what a big language 'bank' I have in my tiny brain, ya?? YA!! It's strange how our brains work. In this case, Amazing with a capital A!!! Well, that's how my life revolves back then. However, I'd always and still am THINKING in English and then translating to speak in the relevant dialect/language. I read no Chinese, basically I speak based on intonation I'd learnt & heard. Sometimes, I confuse myself as the tone is right but the meaning is different. Chinese has 4 tones for certain characters, so you can & must understand my confusion, not just mine alone. I believe many others are in the same boat as mine....speed boat? Yacht? Liner? hee heee...see I AM confusing you already!!!
When I was in Secondary 2, I wanted to be a Catholic but was deterred by my mom out of respect for my grandmother. So, I patiently waited. 3 decades later, I am practicing Buddhism, not Taoism. Now you know why my title says I am confused!!! Hehehehe....
Fast forward, I met Rocker57. He is also a Hokkien & educated in a Methodist school. We speak Hokkien & English interchangeably but we raised our kids speaking only English. That's because we know the importance of English. Our kids understands Hokkien, Cantonese & Mandarin.
My daughter speaks Mandarin quite fluently I must say. She picked it up during her varsity days. And she has improved on her Hokkien having worked in Klang (Hokkien speaking 'zone') for almost 3 years. She can also converse in commendable Cantonese. Hmmm...she has my genes!!! YAY!!
My son speaks a smattering of Mandarin and a tad of Cantonese, and is always confused between the 3 - Mandarin, Cantonese & Hokkien. Why, when he was in Kindergarten, he used to tell his kindy friends he was English! When I asked why he said that? He said with a straight face" Mom, we speak English!" Then, when he learned more about dialects...he often confuse himself whether he is Hakka or Hokkien! He can't differentiate the dialects...poor kid!
Our kids speaks to the paternal grandparents in smattering of Hokkien with a mixture of Mandarin. They conversed in Mandarin with my parents.
So you see...it IS a confusing world, yet our brains can register and remember who to speak in what language/dialect. As confused as I am...I am multi-lingual....and THAT is certainly clear as the blue skies above I am not confuse when it comes to dialect.
Now...shall I learn a new language? What say you? Come share your thoughts with me.....
Till my next blog...take care, stay happy and positive always!
Sayonara!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)