Anyway, to cut to the chase, I cannot and will not claim that I am proficient in English, definitely not an expert as well. I'm still learning English everyday. English is an amazing language that never cease to enlighten as well as amuse me. Being my usual nutty self, I would like to shed some light-hearted humour on words that sound the same but has different meaning altogether.
Imaging getting SMS or whatsapp or signages or people saying things like these :
- Parcel / puzzle ~ "I am *parceled* with your feedback. How could you say that to me!" or " my whole life is a *parcel*". "This jigsaw *parcel* is so difficult to piece them together". Or "Mr Postman, where is my *puzzle*? Hah! I am indeed puzzled by this parcel??? Keh keh keh.
- Got / God ~ Malaysians like to use this term - "where got?" And I almost always answer them "God is in heaven". I can't help it. If they had asked "Where is it?" perhaps they would get the appropriate respond. So, be mindful when you are near me....I may spring you a surprise :)
- Tote /toad ~ Tink tink tink...new whatsapp picture uploaded. VIEW. Comment - "Hey, I just bought a designer *toad* bag, nice or not?" And if chivalry is still alive and kicking today, I would be LOL (laughing out loud) if a gentleman were to say "Hi, Miss, may I help *toad* your bag. It looks heavy". Or kids in an aquarium shouting out to their friends... "Hey, come see this humongous *tote*.
- Taught / thought ~ "Eh? I *taught* you were asleep?" or "Sshhhh...please don't disturb her, she is in deep *taught*. "Oh, my father was a teacher, he *thought* at xxx school before he retired last year".
- Leaf / leave ~ "Hey, *leaf* her alone!". or worse still "Boss, I want to apply for *leaf*". I would be more than happy if I were the boss...I'd say "go, go gather as much leaves as your heart desires"..Or perhaps a signage that reads {Please *leaf* your slippers/shoes at the door} Hahahhahahaha.... that's one leaf too many or should I leave now?
- Smart (quick witted intelligence, clever, brilliant) or smart (hurting, stinging pain) ~ "Would you take a look at that *smart (as in stinging pain) guy, he maybe the next Einstein!". And when someone were to say to me he or she is *smarter* than I am...I will most likely answer... "I know, it *smarts* doesn't it? Hehehehehe....
- Ware / wear ~ How about this "Honey, I'm going shopping to buy some *underware*, byeee" or this signage "Get your tools from one of our ABC HARDWEAR shop near you". Or what is written in a warranty card " *ware* and tear is not part of our warranty guarantee.
- Teat / tit (infliction of an injury) ~ Imagine a scene in the sitcom Guys with kids... " Oh honey, remember to wash the rubber *tits* before feeding the baby" or a cheeky husband trying to get his wife arouse " Honey, let me play with your *tits*!!! If I were the wife, I'd say " Great. Here are the tits (dosh! dosh! bam bam!), enjoy! I'm gonna watch TV" Kah kah Kah!!!
- Night / knight ~ "Oh, darling....you are my *night* and shinning armour!"... or replying to a message "Your party is *knight* or day?" Errr....that would be SIR....Thank you!
- Shoe / shoo ~ "Dear, please *shoe* the cat away". Or getting a SMS "want to come shopping with me? Am getting some *shoo* to match my new outfit".
- Trade / thread ~ "Sweetheart, could you help mend my shirt? There's a *trade* hanging loose. Signage reads " Don't *thread* your life by doing drugs, you may end up in prison or the death sentence".
- Fool / full ~ "WOW, that was an awesome meal. Thank you. I am so *fool* now, burp!". Or a scene from a movie - tiff between lovers...."Doug! I am such a *full* to fall for you! Hehehehehe....
- Cause / cost ~ " Wow...how much does it *cause*?" Helpful salesgirl aiding customer to make purchasing decision "Ma'am, compare the *cause* this is value for money". Or how about this in science - *cost*& effect? Aiyooo...all this costing and causing is making me coust-ing!!! LOL
- See / sea ~ " Let's go out to *see*, I love the knight breeze". "OK, I'll *sea* what I can do for you, sir"
- Tea / Tee ~ *Tee* for two? "Buddy, let's golf. See you at the *tea* off"
- Court / Caught ~ "See you in *caught*!" Overheard this conversation "my neighbour's son is *caughting* my next door neighbour's daughter. Hehehhee....see why sounding alike can be a tad confusing.
- Wonder / wander ~ Mom to child " kiddo, please don't *wonder* around. Make sure I can find you, ya?". Girl in deep *taughts* *wandering* whether to buy shoes or bags.
- Beg / bag ~ "Come on, please don't make me *bag* for it, ok?". Restaurant waitress helpfully saying " Please Ma'am, let me *beg* it for you so that you can take the food back for your doggy"
- Stunt / stun ~ "You know, I was so *stunt* when I found out what she did!". Or this "Oh, my son works as a *stun*man in Hollywood".
- Doug / Dug ~ " *Dug*, please help plant the tree your mom bought into the hole I had *doug* last night". And so, Dug planted the tree in the hole his father had douged!!!
As knight falls, I need to bag you come join me again. Love to sea you around my blog sometime soon. And if you are wandering what the heck was all these...oh well...I was fulled into parceling around with words and taught you'll be more awear so that you won't get court the next time you see words with same sound but has different meaning.
Well, I God to go. I've brewed a pot of English Earl Grey tee. Care to join me? Oh, you are fool? If you gotta leaf, remember to check your toad beg to ensure you have everything with you. And by the way, always remember to ask how much it cause before paying for your goods. Lest you be cheated unknowingly.
Don't be stunt if I come back with English Humour part 2. Please don't simply shoe me off, just becost I am smart and yes, I agree....your are smarter :)
Ok, my tee is ready. I need to find my glasses to mend a loose button on my shirt, now where is the trade?
Quote :
The person who knows how to laugh at himself/herself will never ceased to be amused - Shirley Maclaine
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